The Chestral Thrust of DOOM and Sunshine
by ImInUrForkzEatinUrHumanz
Summary: Massie Block moves to Forks High School and tries to beguile Edward, Emmett, and Jasper with her non-existant feminine charm.
1. A Vision of Stupidity

The **Chestral** Thrust of DOOM and Sunshine!

Chapter 1: A Vision of Stupidity

"Ow, my head!" Alice screamed.

"What's wrong, Alice?" said her stunning, manly, non-flamboyant husband, Jasper.

"I had a painful vision."

"How so?

"Something wicked this way comes…"

"What?"

"Massie Block is coming to Forks."


	2. Copyrighting is for Idiots

The **Chestral** Thrust of DOOM and Sunshine!

Chapter 2: Copyrighting is for Idiots

"Cuh and Laire, wipe that confused look off your face," said their mother Kendall. "It's very simple, you're not going."

"But Mom…" said Laire, "the new kids are throwing a party!"

"Yeah, and we need to be friendly and sociable, right?" explained Cuh.

"Fine, how about this," their mother reasoned. "If you two behave yourselves and help get Massie settled, I'll let you go to the party."

Cuh and Laire squealed with glee (much like fangirls) and hugged their mother. They then staked their claims to the upper and middle bunks on their newly modified log bunk beds.


	3. Missing Provalactics

Massie looked with disgust at the beautiful small house in front of her.

"Ehmagod, it's, like, so gross. Like, my horses' closet is bigger than this. Ewwwwwwww."

"Massie, be nice," Massie's mom, Kendra, said. "Wilfred built this house all by himself out of logs! Isn't that exciting?"

"Forks _is_ the logging capital of the world, you know," her father, William, bragged.

"Where are, like, my, like, horses, like, supposed to go?" Massie asked obnoxiously.

"Massie, if you had let us sell your horses (or your clothes, or your cell phones, or your computer) we could have stayed in Westchester instead of moving here. A few racing horses would have paid for a smaller house there. But because you're such a brat, when our house gets foreclosed, we can't rely on you for anything. Thanks dear."

"But daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad, I neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed all those things! They're, like, my entire life! I have no life without them."

"You already have no life," William muttered under his breath.

"Why didn't you wear a provalactic dear?" her mother Kendra inquired.

"I forgot," William mumbled and hung his head in shame.


	4. Designer Skin

"There's the spoiled brat now," observed Cuh. Laire nodded and sighed.

"Hopefully she's as stupid as she looks in that sailor costume so we can sneak out without her knowing," Laire said wishfully.

From the window in the twins' room, they could see their parents running out to hug and greet Massie's parents.

"CUH? LAIRE? WHERE ARE YOU GUYS, COME ON DOWN, THE BLOCKS ARE HERE!" their father bellowed. Cuh and Laire slowly trudged down the stairs and out the front door (which was made out of logs).

Massie's face contorted in pain as Cuh and Laire came out with fake smiles on their faces to please their parents. It became difficult though, as Massie's ridiculous outfit had huge tags on in that said DOLCE & GABANA as well as the giant PRADA tag hanging off her bag. They were bolded and in bright pink with sparkles. Massie, seeing no tags on their clothes, assumed that their clothes weren't designer.

Cuh and Laire avoided Massie until after they had greeted her parents. Massie's dog, who was apparently called Bean, was running ecstatically around the house. However, they had to greet her soon enough.

"It's a pleasure to meet you," they said simultaneously, holding out their hands. Massie looked appalled, her eyebrows looked like they were going to recede into her hairline if they went any further up.

"Is your skin designer? I don't touch non-designer things," Massie said. Cuh and Laire exchanged views, smiling devilishly. They were DEFINITELY sneaking out tonight. Without Massie.

"Duh!" exclaimed Laire, imitating Massie's voice to a tee. "It was designed for us, like, PERSONALLY, by like, Calvin Klein. Like, ehmagod, can't you tell just by looking at it?"

"There was like, a cover story in like, French T-Vogue!" added Cuh, covering her chuckle with a cough.

"I don't read French T-Vogue so I must have, like, like, missed it, or something. I'm going to totally start reading it now, like…" Massie covered up.

"Pfft…" Laire interrupted. "Teen Vogue in ANY language is SO five minutes ago. In fact, we just burned all the copies we own five minutes ago."

"Arson, however," Cuh pointed out. "Is TOTALLY in, but only burning your own stuff." She chocked back another laugh as Massie's eyes widened.

While Massie looked dazed and bewildered for a few minutes, the twins took this opportunity to grab as many suitcases they could lift and run them up to the appropriate rooms. Their parents were too busy conversing to notice the suitcases disappearing. Once they were done, the steered a still confused Massie through the house and set her down on the bottom bunk of their modified bunk bed.

"Have you eaten?" asked Cuh impatiently, her eyes flickering to the clock. The party was going to start in EXACTLY 15 minutes.

"Yea… designer food…" said Massie, still in a daze from the arson comment.

"Get into your pajamas and go to bed," Laire commanded. Massie woke up from her arson reverie and nodded. She picked up her hot pink suitcase that had a tag that was bigger than the suitcase that said CHANEL on it and Cuh guided her to the bathroom.

This night was going to be EPIC.


	5. Alice Could've Bonked Her Noggin

The **Chesteral** Thrust of DOOM and Sunshine

Chapter 5: Alice Could've Bonked Her Noggin Pretty Hard There

"Oh no. OH NO. OOOOOHHHH NO! Esme's not gonna make me salad today!! **OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH NO!!!!**" Jasper's eyes were as wide as dinner plates, even more so than his usual pained/constipated expression.

"JASPER! YOU FUCKING IDIOT! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!!?!?!?!?!!?!??!?!?!1" Alice shrieked.

Jasper's foot found the brake of Alice's Yellow 911 Turbo Porsche just nanoseconds before it hit the door of the Cullens' garage.

Alice threw her arms around the car. "Jasper! You almost ran my baby into the garage!! What the hell were you thinking???"

"I'm sorry, sugar baby," Jasper said. "Besides, it's just as invincible as we are, you know, since we're vampires and everything."

"I know the closest thing to a car you've driven is a horse and buggy but STILL, COME ON! It's been how many years? And since when…" Alice stopped midsentence as her eyes glazed over.

"What do you see Alice?" Jasper asked.

---In Alice's Vision---

A stupid looking girl with brown hair and hideous clothes looks at her hand shrieking. She was that Massie Block girl from Alice's previous vision.

"I GOT A HOLE IN MY DESIGNER SKIN!!!!!! EHMAGAWD!!!!!! This is ONE OF A KIND. How am I supposed to contact CALVIN KLEIN from the middle of this VILLAGE? Puh LEEZE. UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH" Was she seriously throwing a temper tantrum? How old was she, five? None of this really concerned Alice until a blood thirsty Jasper appeared on the scene.

"Shut up." he ordered, and with that, twisted her head to the side to get access to her scrawny neck. He bit down.

"It's ruined already…" the girl said weakly. Suddenly, Jasper flung the girl across the room and spit out the blood in his mouth. A look of horror crossed Jasper's sexy face.

"That was DISGUSTING!!!!! What the hell does she eat?"

"Double ristretto vente half soy non-fat decaf organic chocolate brownie iced vanilla double shot ginger bread frappachino extra hot with foam, whipped cream upside down double blended, one sweet and low one nutra sweet and ice, from Starbucks! I'm on the liquid diet" the bratty girl supplied, surprisingly not dead from being thrown across the room and landing on the ice sculpture. The other people weren't so nonplussed. They looked in horror at Jasper, then Alice, then the rest of the Cullens. They weren't as brainless as that girl on the liquid diet, and put two and two together…

"VAMPIRES!!!!!!!" someone screamed. "THEY'RE VAMPIRES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" A mad rush for the door ensued and several people were trampled to death in the process. Alice sighed and rested her face in her hands.

"Oh shit."

---Back to Reality---

"So what did you see?" Jasper pressed, looking concerned. Alice thought for a moment, weighing the pros and cons of telling Jasper of her vision. Then she was struck with a BRILLIANT idea.

"Nothing you need to concern yourself with dear," she said coolly as she pecked Jasper on the cheek and skipped into the house, her smile growing into an evil smirk. This party was going to be so much fun.


	6. Forks, Washington is the Town Charlie

The **Chesteral** Thrust of DOOM and Sunshine

Chapter 6: Forks, Washington is the Town Charlie Molests (Children… not the town)

Cuh and Laire slid smoothly from the second-story bedroom window of their log cabin and jumped, catlike, to the lawn below. They exchanged excited glances before running frantically toward the driveway. But as soon as they got to the road, they froze simultaneously.

"Umm…how are we gonna get there?" asked Laire.

"That's a good question [insert witty comment here]," said Cuh. "Hmmm…I know! Let's hitchhike!"

"That's an awesome idea, Cuh," said Laire.

And so the two girls stuck out their thumbs and waited for someone to drive by. After several minutes, a police cruiser with its lights flashing drove by. A man with a creepy pedophile-looking moustache poked his head out the window.

"You ladies need a ride somewhere?" he said, wiggling his bushy eyebrows suggestively.

"Can you give us a ride to the Cullens' house please?" asked Laire.

"Oh, is there some shindig goin' on that I don't know about?" said the pedophile moustache guy.

"No…it's…it's a Bible study group, actually," lied Cuh.

"Alrighty then, ladies. Hop in the back and I'll take you there. I'm Charlie, by the way. So if you ever need anything…ANYTHING. EVER. Just let me know, okay girls?"  
"Umm…sure…" Cuh and Laire said simultaneously.

The ride to the Cullens' was blanketed by an awkwardly pregnant silence. The kind of silence that wasn't aware that it was actually pregnant with twins…or octuplets or something. LIKE OCTOMOM OMG.  
With a wave from Charlie, the girls stepped out of the car. "Remember," Charlie said. "ANYTHING. SERIOUSLY. I'm not gonna be doing anything important. EVER."

The girls backed away from the car slowly, careful not to make any sudden movements, should he pounce. "That was…interesting…" said Cuh.

"No kidding," said Laire. "ARE YOU READY TO PARTAY!?!?!?1:ql!"

"YEAAAAAH!!!" screamed Cuh, giving Laire a chest bump. "Ow…I guess it only doesn't hurt if you're a guy."

"THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!!" they screamed in unison.

The girls skipped gleefully into the Cullens' giant glass house. "Thank god we didn't have to spend the night with that Massie…thing," said Cuh.

Little did they know that the "thing" was on their trail.


	7. All Work and No Play

The **Chesteral** Thrust of DOOM and Sunshine

Chapter 7: All Work and No Play Makes Massie a Dull Girl

Massie emerged from the bathroom in pajamas and a Juicy Couture tag so big, she had to carry it like a bag to support its weight.

"BEAN!!! WHERE ARE YOU,YOU SHITTY LITTLE DOG?" she screeched, her annoying voice causing all the glass in the room to vibrate dangerously. The verbally abused pug walked into the room, its head down and ears flattened. When Massie had put Bean down when they got to the house, Bean, in all his happiness, had run everywhere to celebrate his freedom from her. He also managed to wriggle out of that wretched dog sweater (complete with giant tag) and roam unhindered. Massie would be upset that her dog wasn't in designer clothes.  
"BEAN!!!!!! WHERE DID YOUR GAH-ORJUSSS SWEATER GO?????? BRING IT BACK RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!" Bean sighed and went back outside to find it. Maybe Cuh and Laire, who seemed humane enough, would adopt him.

As Bean left the room, Massie started to wonder where Cuh and Laire are. She saw a line of Post-It notes on the floor with arrows drawn on them. She followed theses arrows up the leg of the desk to the top, where there was a note Cuh had written (she had better handwriting).  
"Massie,  
I really hope you're literate; otherwise this whole night will be ruined... so there's a pretty good chance tonight is going to suck. Hopefully you can read. You better be able to read, because I bet Laire $5 that you could. Please, don't disappoint me anymore than you already have.

Don't worry about me and Laire, we are involved in a community service project that is a spin-off of Habitat for Humanity. It's called Night Craze where we build houses for the needy, just like in Habitat for Humanity, except it's at night. Our parents already know where we are, so don't worry about it. Just go to bed. Understand? GO TO BED. Walk towards the bed (bring this note if you have to), sit on the lowest bunk (the one CLOSEST to the floor) and pull the sheets over you, but not over your head, okay? Then close your eyes and pretend you're asleep. If you're having trouble sleeping, just count Gucci handbags jumping into your shopping bags, because Gucci bags are sentient after all.  
Oh, and we would have brought you along. Really. But there weren't enough hard hats for everyone, and we wouldn't want to give you any more brain damage than you already have. Seriously, you might have a tumor or something.  
-Cuh"

Massie stared long and hard at the note, but try as she might, could only decipher a few of the strange symbols on the page. She understood the words "night craze" and looked out the window. She saw faint but visible tire tracks and footprints leading away from the house. "Oh!" Massie exclaimed, "They're going to a party"

"Parties are fun!" Massie thought out loud, and decided to go to this party as well. Just as she was about to leave, Bean walked into the room with his severely damaged sweater.

"I DON'T HAVE TIME TO PUT YOU IN YOUR SPECIAL EDITION VICTORIA'S SECRET DOGGIE PAJAMAS RIGHT NOW OKAY BEAN!!!!!!!!!! JUST DO IT YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Bean nodded as Massie strutted out of the room, pretending, yet again, to be Tyra Banks. She squinted her eyes and kept tossing her hair around and almost fell down the stairs.  
Unfortunately, she did not. Bean however, was very glad he could sleep naked for once, and not wear people's clothing. He had a lovely night, dreaming about juicy steakbones, running naked through flowery meadows, and Massie getting hit by one of the fashion designers she so loved.


	8. Jacob is Sexy with a capital SEXY!

The **Chestral** Thrust of DOOM and Sunshine

Chapter 8: Jacob Black is Sexy With a Capital SEXY

Like Cuh and Laire's house, the Cullens' house was made entirely out of logs. Forks _is_ the logging capital of the world, after all. But unlike Cuh and Laire's house, the Cullens' house was more of a mansion than a house.

Alice greeted Cuh and Laire at the door. Alice's sexy, salacious, and not in the least bit flamboyant (even though he has highlights) husband, Jasper, stood next to her, and Alice had a particularly devious grin on her face.

Cuh and Laire's favorite song, "Back Dat Up, Bella (Slap it, Slap it) [club remix featuring T-Pain]" was booming through the speakers. There were tons of awesome people at this party, including a very shirtless and somewhat muscular (and extremely good looking) Jacob Black, whom Cuh swiftly proceeded to make out with. This was the most kick-ass party Cuh and Laire had ever been to. There was only one thing that could ruin it, but they weren't too worried about that.

Unfortunately for them, that very thing was currently making its way up the Cullens' driveway. It was Massie Block. Despite wearing twelve-inch heels with a giant GUCCI tag hanging from them, Massie had somehow managed to walk all the way to the Cullens' house.


	9. The Story of Schmootzie Poo

The **Chesteral** Thrust of DOOM and Sunshine

Chapter 9: The Tales of Schmootzie-Poo and the Pink Fuzzy Handcuffs

Alice was suddenly overcome with the urge to vomit… which was very peculiar considering she didn't eat anything. There was a terrible odor wafting through the open window which smelled like a combination of men's perfumes. Massie, in her stupidity, hadn't been able to differentiate between women's and men's perfumes. When she saw MEN on the bottle, she though it was a new up-and-coming designer… so she immediately bought one from every store she went to and wore the scents simultaneously. Naturally, the result was unsettling.

Against her instincts to avoid things that smell gross, Alice walked toward the window and immediately located Massie when she tripped over her designer tags (yet again). "Oh snap," said Alice, recognizing her as the stupid-looking brown-haired girl from her vision. "That's her." Alice raced down the stairs and grabbed Jasper, who was too busy looking like he was in pain to notice the awful smell. The faster she could get Jasper upstairs and, erm, distracted, the sooner she could keep her vision from coming true.

Alice and Jasper raced upstairs and into their bedroom. "Alice, darling, shmootzie-poo, what on earth is going on?" Jasper asked, his attractive, manly and chiseled face contorted into a quizzical expression. But instead of answering him, Alice pushed him down onto the bed with one hand and straddled his body with her…self. Jasper's head rested against the headboard, which was made of iron bars, and Alice quickly attached his hand to it with a pair of pink fuzzy leopard print handcuffs, which she kept in her pocket at all times in case of emergencies, such as this one.

Jasper moaned celestially as soon as he realized what was going on. Now THIS was his idea of a party.


	10. TaylorLautnerTaylorLautnerTaylorLautnerT

The **Chesteral** Thrust of DOOM and Sunshine

Chapter 10: …

Massie stumbled into the Cullens' mansion and fell flat on her face as she tripped over her shoe. "Wow," she thought. "Maybe I shouldn't have worn my twelve-inch Gucci shoes. But, like, they're designer and, like, they make me look hawt, so of course it was a good idea to wear them! Ehmagawd! What on earth was I thinking!?!!?" We should take a moment to mention that Massie Block wasn't thinking at all, as she does not possess the mental capacity to do so.  
Thinking she was just a lumpy, weird smelling rug, people stepped over (and on) her to get some more punch or make out with Taylor Lautner… oops. We mean Jacob.

When there was a pause in the trampling, Massie straightened up and dusted off the front of her cocktail dress tube thingy not even pausing to think (even if she could) about how there were footprints on the back of her cocktail dress tube thingy.

But that didn't matter. That was when she saw HIM. He was gorgeous, and had a strange yet beautiful luminescent quality about him. He seemed to be brooding by the piano. His hair looked like a mountain of bronze colored hair heart-stoppingness that had been hit by a tornado of sex. It was orgasmic to look at. Teetering on her heels, she made her way toward him, occasionally punching through the floorboards with the sharp heel. As she got closer and closer, Edward Cullen looked at her. His eyes were like tumultuous glowering pools of chagrin that only a brilliant writer like Stephenie Meyer could describe.* His nose wrinkled in a cute way, as though he smelled some bad eggs. Or cheese.

"Like, like, like, like, like, hi" Massie blurted out. When she's nervous, her brain stopped working, even though that's not much different than when it is working.

"You are my life now… oh, sorry, that's a reflex I have to things that smell mildly of freesia. I don't know why," replied Edward Cullen. He was a firsty-lasty fo sho.

"That's, like, like, totally, like, ehmagawd, like, okay. I'm, like, Massie. You've probably, like, totally, like, Taylor Lautner, like heard of me, because, I'm like, popular… or something," she said, idly twirling a strand of "designer" hair.

"I'm Edward Cullen, the most depressed vampi… er… human of all. Nice to meet you?"

Massie's eyes started to water. This was the first time a boy had ever responded to her greeting. EVER. Massie kicked off her heels and prepared to glomp Edward Cullen.

*Or the genius duo behind ImInUrForkzEatinUrHumanz


	11. Jesus Christ THat's Neat!

The **Chestral** Thrust of DOOM and Sunshine!

Chapter 11: Jesus Christ, that's neat!

_Authors' note: We suggest you watch the Jesus Christ sponge video before you read this… otherwise you won't get the joke and that would be a real shame._

_Just delete the spaces: _

http:// www. youtube. com/watch?v=lsTLUSMOgas

As Massie came closer and closer to Edward, preparing for the ultimate glomp, she failed to notice that his teeth were barred in a particularly hungry kind of way. She was so close that Edward could smell her blood, a sickening combination of organic non-fat soy lattes from Starbucks and all the men's perfume she was wearing. He knew that this would be the most repulsive thing that he would ever taste, but he had to bite her if it meant killing the obnoxious, imbecilic spoiled brat that was Massie Block.

But just as Edward's teeth made contact with Massie's Calvin Klein designer skin, Taylor Laut—er—Jacob walked in the room, followed by a hoard of adoring fangirls. Edward pulled his head back just in time so as to not reveal his secret. But Edward was finding it difficult to restrain himself, as a single drop of blood had oozed from the crack in Massie's skin and onto the floor. Massie, of course, was sobbing because her precious designer skin now had a hole in it. "Like, ehmagawd!" she cried. "This is, like, my, like, one-of-a-kind designer skin, like, hand-designed by, like, Calvin Klein himself! WAAAAAAAH."

Meanwhile, Edward was focused on cleaning up the drop of blood that had spilled on the carpet. He was using an ordinary sponge, which he had picked up from the kitchen, but it didn't seem to be doing any good. Instead of wiping away the blood on the carpet, the sponge seemed to be spreading the blood throughout the entire house. "Oh no!" Edward moaned. "I got blood on my car, my two boats, and my RV! There's blood on this picture, the TV, and a cathedral! Doggone it!"

All of a sudden, the ever so sexy Jasper appeared out of nowhere. He grabbed the sponge from Edward's hand. "Tired of using normal sponges?" he asked. "Of course you are! They're confusing! They slip, they slide, they ruin your day in seconds. Nobody knows how to use them and they kill nearly thirteen people every week. If only there was an easier solution…"

Jasper proceeded to pull a thick, bright yellow cloth out of his pants. "I'm proud to introduce the new Jesus Christ Sponge," he announced. "The only sponge that'll make you cry 'Jesus Christ, that's neat!'" By now, everyone at the party had stopped whatever they were doing to marvel at the awesomeness that was the Jesus Christ Sponge.

"Wipe your car!" Jasper said, skipping merrily to the Cullens' garage to wipe the blood from Edward's silver Volvo with the Jesus Christ Sponge. "Wipe your boat!" Jasper frolicked across the backyard to the Cullens' private lake, where he used the Jesus Christ sponge to get rid of the bloodstain on Edward's yacht. "Wipe your RV! Wipe your other boat!" Jasper pranced through the Cullens' house, using the Jesus Christ Sponge to wipe up any blood in sight. People oohed and aahed at the astounding absorbency of the sponge.

"Cut it in half and stuff it down your pants," said Jasper, and he did exactly that. Wipe your feet and stick it down your friend's pants!" Edward didn't even notice that half of a Jesus Christ Sponge was being stuffed down his pants, because he was so in awe of how wonderful this sponge was.

"Wipe a picture! Wipe a TV! Wipe a cathedral! Wipe your creepy friend and dry those tears!" Jasper wiped the tears from Massie's face. She didn't even care that the sponge he was using wasn't designer, because the Jesus Christ Sponge was _better_ than designer.

Everyone at the party was flabbergasted by the sheer wonder and absorbency of the Jesus Christ Sponge.

"It's better than sex!" exclaimed Alice.

"All the single ladies, all the single ladies," muttered Rosalie in her man voice.

A stampede of nondescript high school students rushed to the door to purchase this super awesome savior of a sponge. The only ones who remained were the Cullens, Jacob, Cuh, Laire and Massie, who was still crying, but only so she could wipe away her tears with the Jesus Christ sponge.


	12. A Change in Which we Can Believe

Chapter 12 – A Change In Which We Can Believe

Authors Note: Sorry we haven't posted in forever… college and school got in the way, but we will be updating more frequently from now on… at least twice a month for the rest of the summer or until the fic is done. Also, if you have seen the episode called "Ember Island Players" from Avatar: The Last Airbender, it helps with some of the references but is not necessary to have watched. ß Passive voice! Le gasp!

THE NEXT MORNING…

Cuh woke up with the biggest headache she had ever experienced. She felt as if a giant bag of dead babies pressing uncomfortably on her temple. She rubbed her head in an attempt to make the pain go away, but alas no such luck. Laire, who during the course of the drunken evening had dressed up as Katara from Avatar: The Last Airbender, complete with hair loopies, stumbled into the room. Her eyes welling up with tears, she pointed at her sister and proclaimed, "YOU GIVE MY HEART SO MUCH HOPE… I'M TEARBENDING JUST LOOKING AT YOU!" She proceded to sob uncontrollably and collapsed to her knees on the floor. "HOOOOOOOOOOOOOPE!" she screamed, an anguished cry that rang through the house.

All of a sudden, Cuh's phone went off, the jolly, upbeat melody of Lady Gaga's Born This Way notified the twins of an impending call from their mother. The usually lovely sound only served to worsen the girls hangovers, every beat like a jackhammer driving into their skulls.

"Fudgesicles!" Cuh bluted out in a rage. This is the maddest she had ever been. "Mom's calling, what should I say?"

"What is that noise? What kind of bending is this? I'm so confused I'm tearbending,"

"Ooooookay…" Cuh flipped the phone open and put it up to her ear, wincing as her mother said hello much too chipperly for this early in the morning.

"Hello darling! Where are you and Laire and Massie?"

"Why hello mother dearest. My sister and dear friend and I have popped out to procure some Aunt Jemima signature brand flapjacks. We decided to walk since the weather is so splendid,"

"Excellent! Make sure to buy maple syrup. And milk. And some provolactics for Massie's dad. You have no idea how hard it is to get sperm out of a fine rug,"

"Too much information Mom. We'll be-"

"It was all over the kitchen!"

"Ewwww…."

"I think he was doing what the kids call 'making it rain'. So messy!"

"I'm hanging up now."

"Okay dear, toodles!"

Cuh looked at Laire, who seemed perplexed.

"Who's Aunt Jemima?" Laire asked. "Can I learn waterbending from her? My heart is renewed with so much HOPE!"


End file.
